Friday, February 6, 2015

Another Soldier of Fortune.

"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time."

«The moment i first heard that phrase i felt a pain growing up inside my chest. An intense, unbearable pain. The clock is ticking. I'm losing control. I'm losing my spirit, my own self. I feel nothing, and everything at the same time. I'm afraid. 

I'm afraid of all the illusions, all the lies and deceit. I'm afraid of the constant violence i experience, both physical and mental. I'm afraid of all the same old mistakes. The constant war inside my head. But most importantly, i'm afraid of the war outside of it. 

Everyday this battle rages on, everyday i'm hanging between the two sides of the same coin. On the one side there is hope, strength and wisdom. On the other only anger, pain and darkness. The coin flips in the air and slowly lands on the ground at the end of the day. There's not a lot to say at that time. My hate, my anger, my dissapointment. They always win. Their power over me is everlasting as it seems. 

And there's nothing that can save me from this horror. The only way to come out alive from this war, is to become a monster. Another fallen angel. 

Maybe that's my destiny. Maybe i'm forever bound, to fight this constant war between who i am and who i want and need to be. Maybe i'm nothing more than a soldier. A tired and wounded soldier.

I'm growing older. I'm losing hope. 
I'm becoming the thing. The one i hated.»

- The Soldier of Fortune.